Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
