I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just want nice things and good sex
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize