She is in my trunk
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
