I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
