it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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