it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
