i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
