some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
