mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
