omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
