my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
