Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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