The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize