shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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