WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
