how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You need a sexual gate keeper
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
