i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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