My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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