i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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