Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
try to milk me bitch
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