I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
