Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
