At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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