the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
