I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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