it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
