walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
