My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
