Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I am one with the molecules
Is Oprah even human
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
do nipples grow back?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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