we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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