the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
