I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
