All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
