I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
