my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize