and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
