with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
