So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Welp...herpes.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
