Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
