it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
