Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
