Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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