watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
