dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
