Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
