dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
