not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
