I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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