i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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