Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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