I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
