I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
