I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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