Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
