Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
