i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
