I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
