So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
