OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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