Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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