awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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