I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize