don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
