Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
