After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
