would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
