i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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