so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
