If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
