Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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