if i can run in heels then i can drive
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
