i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
