Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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