he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize