Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
