Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I believe in your delicious
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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