She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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