R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize