I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
