Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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