Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
