i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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