May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
