"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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