I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
