Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
