Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she smelled like a LAN party
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize