no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
