When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
