Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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